As a child, I was curious, playful, honest, confident, and ready to conquer the world. I was a German raised in Spain. I felt different when surrounded by my friends in Barcelona, and different when spending my summers in Germany with my German cousins. This way of living attracted, confused, and inspired me.
Today, living in the United States, I identify with all of these three cultures. I’ve learned to integrate them into the person I am today and being ok with not really belonging anywhere at the same time as being proud for being this different.
As I was growing up, my exposure to the world also grew. I loved to travel, I loved diverse people and have always been the kid, teenager or adult who approached the “new kid” in class, work or neighborhood in order to connect and make them feel “seen”. I was curious to learn, to live, to explore. The desire to live something new was bigger than the what if I don’t. These qualities are still strong in me – they’re part of who I am. However, between then and today, life situations have often come crashing in, and with them, many of my core behaviors and beliefs were questioned and altered.
My adolescent, young adult, and adult years were both amazing and confusing. Looking back I’m very appreciative of the life I’ve had to date, impacted by only minor family and life struggles. And highly grateful for my family, our health, long lasting deep and solid friendships, travel and learning opportunities, professional development – from intern to entrepreneur, personal experiences, marriage, divorce, and ultimately meeting the love of my life. Becoming a stepmother to Alex and a mother to Yago and Bruno has without a doubt taken me to my deepest learning journey and greatest fulfillment.
Is this it?
Over the “kid” years there were many moments where I took conscious choices. Unfortunately, there were many, many more where I just went on with what life gave me, what was expected, what “should” be done. I convinced myself this is what I want without really questioning if I was being true to myself, whether I was avoiding something else or pleasing someone else. Something in me knew in many moments I was not listening to my feelings and emotions, I was not living true to myself, I was not honoring my values nor what made me feel alive. My saboteur voices – remember the devil figure on your shoulder in the old movies – were highly present, fighting and trying to convince my inner positive voices – the proverbial angel on the other shoulder – that I was happy and fulfilled. I wasn’t unhappy but I wasn’t fulfilled, I wasn’t true to myself.
In specific moments of tough decisions, I see how the qualities of exploring, independence, learning, connection, and courage – present in me since I was a child – were able to come to the surface, and my desire to live true to myself was bigger than the what if I don’t.
That is when I took my boldest decisions – when I was curious about myself as well as others, conscious of my own values, and listening to my deepest me. Then and today, being intentional about what kind of me I want to be helps me gain perspective in how I look at life, make choices in how I live it, and take responsibility for my impact. Through being coached and then becoming a professional coach, my values have clarified, learning has deepened, new insights have been gained, and clarity attained. My confidence has been rebuilt, and with it, appreciation of personal qualities and skills that had been hidden or suppressed.
A World Away
Fast forward to January 2010. I was stepmother to Alex, 11, a mother of Yago, 3, and Bruno, 1.5, a partner in my recruiting business, and living in Spain. By the end of that month, we moved to Boston, USA, Alex stayed behind with his mother, and I left behind my life in Spain and business with my partner.
I had truly loved my career. Connecting with people in the workforce – guiding them and mentoring them through their careers, interviewing professionals to find the best candidate for my diverse clients – was a job that felt very true to me. Moving to a new country with two little kids and a husband who was going to disappear in his work was not going to be easy.
At first, it was exciting and adrenaline-filled. I was ready to conquer a new place, make friends, and create a brand new life for the four of us. Again, my desire to live something new was highly present. My curiosity, open-mind, empathy, and ability to connect with others drove me. I was ready to take a professional break, become a stay at home mother, and dedicate my time and love to these little boys and take every opportunity to live a new and exciting life. Over time, life took over again. My husband immersed himself into his new job and company so what used to be an equal household in work and home became a 24-hours-only-me home. Therefore, my professional and mother identity became only a mother. My old self-confidence melted away and I started to compare myself with every woman around me who was working or not.
I felt defeated. Going from confidently mentoring and guiding executives to 100% dedication to my boys and home was harder than I expected. I went from a positive, anything-is-possible person to feeling sacrificed and lonely. I was becoming the person I always said I wouldn’t become. Limiting beliefs, should’s, and negative assumptions took over my mind in a big way.
I wasn’t even consciously aware of how I had turned off my inner light. Once I noticed the person I’d become, I immediately began a new journey – one towards Curiosity, Consciousness, and Choice. It felt like a coincidence, but it wasn’t. Even being unaware and living in “reactive mode” I knew deep inside of me I needed to do something for myself.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, I wasn’t allowed to work in the U.S. Learning, exploring, deepening my wisdom and knowledge about human development had attracted me from a young age. Taking a positive step, I signed up for a CTI fundamental class and began a life I couldn’t have dreamed. What started with a mere desire of learning about what coaching meant took me to completing the entire core curriculum, enrolling in a year-long leadership program that initiated my reinvention, and wrapped up with getting certified in my new profession.
For me, reinventing means:
● Finding and rediscovering those parts within me that have always been there, always were important, that always energized and drove me, and that I’d lost touch with or life had buried, mainly because I was unaware of their real existence.
● Discover new things, a new way of thinking, a new way of operating, a new mindset and a new way of being that serves me so much better, that makes me feel good with myself, and is more true to myself.
And that is where my own reinvention has taken me. Of course, life goes on, and keeps throwing things at me. That’s fine, because that’s life. But, staying curious about myself and others, being conscious of my own values, being conscious and intentional about who I want to be and how I want to live helps me gain perspective on how I look at life, make choices in how I live it, and take responsibility for my impact.
Through coaching, I strive to help you make these important discoveries and decisions so you can live your life the way that’s true to you. Together, we can work toward making your life more successful, more fulfilling, and a true manifestation of who you truly are.
What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”
– Jane Goodall
CURIOSITY + CONSCIOUSNESS = CHOICE